Why is that always i have to get through this. Yeah i get the fucking fact its part of life. Why does every fucking soul always make me feel im worth and say it over and over again " the one who gets you must be lucky" how come they never saw it. why do i gotta be the one who feels like the whole world crash even when this time i didnt even had u as a support yet when u left like its so easy i fall down. Its not that ive been dependent on you. Then why me.
So all this saying of me being worth was pure rubbish. Cuz yes it fucking sucks to cry to sleep to cry when u wake up. And i pray so fuckin hard that i dont have to wake up to feel this anymore.
every single one always throw me and then in months or years come looking for me.
Why isit always me who gets understood only when im not there. That sinful ive become? Or just fuckin bad luck as fuck.
I dont wanna speak up. I dont wanna be a burden. I dont wanna be hurting my friends and family . Not even this time i wanna make them feel like shit that all tht they say is in vain.For nothing seems to change ma fucking mind.
So yeah now it comes back to me. What my brother said was probably fucking right. Stubborn as fuck with the rotten attitude.
Honestly i didnt choose that .I wasnt this way when my dad dint fuck up my life. I had to be this way. I had to do smth about it cuz if i didnt i would have lost my mum that very night where she wanted to leave forever. I wasnt this way. And i try not to be even this makes my mum guilty of having me to haven take up the role as a mother of the house at the age of 10. Too bad , no really , just tooo fucking bad i had to be this way. If it was to save a life even when i was treated unfairly at that childhood, i still had to do it.
Now saving that life have changed me .I chose that? nope i fucking didnt.
YES i didnt speak a word why i was harsh. But haven i showed you why ive turned into a sharp tongue. Haven i said sorry for ive grown up this very way. Yet now ive been used against it .
My dad did that same shit. Seek the outmost sympathy.Used my weakness right against me just to get his things done. Yup my own dad. Cool fucking shit aye? to know and to realise ive been used took me years. I mean i wasnt born as a mind reader. And coming from the man whom was the first man u ever look up to as a superhero turns out to be a motherfuckin villain.
This shit story is never ending. I could write a novel. but to have someone to take the time to read it,There isnt gonna be anyone.
Just fucking nail me down the coffin cover.
This isnt just over a love.
This was the last break i could take.
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